i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
