I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
