Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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