help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
