hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
