There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
