I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
