She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
