Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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