I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i out mim tonsoeep
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
