Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You made out with two different species that night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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