20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize