Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
