Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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