you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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