and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize