Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
