Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
