my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
