Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
