My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
