ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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