Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize