it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
