So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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