apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize