Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
