did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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