two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
