Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
