He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
