pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
