I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Can I color on your dick again?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
