I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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