You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
