I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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