Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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