they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
