rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
