My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
