did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
