i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
