My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
