Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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