I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
