People with herpes should wear stickers.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
