also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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