Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
