Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
