haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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