can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
