Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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