It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
