The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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