no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
