For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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