well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
