Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize