i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
