Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
