i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
