dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
