you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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