I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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