so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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